Ramji,
Any advice on the forgiveness subject? Recently my 15 year old cat-son passed away from a critical condition that could be controlled in the proper moment by the doctors. His doctor was a good, dear, old friend of mine and he used to judge us (me and my husband) for being “overprotective“ with the cat and used to make jokes about the way we cared about him and his quality of life. If the doctor, my ex friend, could take us more seriously, the painful way that the cat passed away, could be prevented or at least ease off it. I used to trust in this person and his “professionalism” and “experience”, never imagined that he could have this kind of insensitive attitude for a living being. Unfortunately we changed of doctor too late, until the last 2 or 3 weeks of my cat’s life and the doctors (they were 4 doctors in total) said that the condition of my cat-son could been controlled if he would be attended at it proper time.
From the jiva’s point of view, I can’t forgive my ex-friend because of that, and I can’t stop of feeling rage. And my husband and I are dealing with this grieving, resentment and guilt. We are peaceful people and try to share compassion and love with the other as a daily basis, because it’s an essential part of our life and dharma. So this is very difficult for us to deal with.
Ramji: Karma yoga, sweetheart. Krishna says, “There are no bad outcomes for karma yogis.” You are not angry at the vet. You are angry at yourself for getting angry at a situation that was out of your hands, particularly since you have been listening to Vedanta for more than a year. Do you think that there is another intelligent solution? At least you haven’t sued the doctor yet. ::)
Hanging on to anger is self-punishment. Forgiveness is giving the anger to Isvara. Does rage help? Anyway, I’d be angry with myself if l let myself become attached to a name and a form that doesn’t belong to me. It is never was your cat. It is, was and always will be Isvara’s cat. If you created it you can claim ownership. And what is a cat anyway but a thought in your mind that invokes the feeling of love. If you can’t love yourself without objects then get another cat.
This incident shows that your emotions control your intellect when a binding vasana arises. Cats live somewhere between two and 16 years. You had this one for 15. Where is the gratitude? If you had discrimination you would have been happy that you had something to love for 15 years. This anger is an insult to yourself and God.
Another way out of this is to look at it from the doctor’s point of view. Do you think he intentionally set out to make the cat suffer? Should he feel rage when an animal dies in his care? How many animals does he see every week? He probably loves his wife and kids. He must have a love of animals as he tries to help them. The results of his actions are not up to him, just as the results of his actions are not up to you.
And what about the cat? Did it hate the doctor for its situation? Did it hate you for taking it to a different doctor?
Then again, where is the cat on your list of loves? It is first, second, third or fourth? Would you be less angry or more angry if your mother, father or husband died?
Honestly, Mary, it seems to me that the doctor was a real friend who does take you seriously because it seems he was trying to show you how extravagant it is to love an animal in that way. I don’t know if you will become angry with me for saying this but I I’m a soul doctor and I’m telling you that you need to grow up and get your priorities straight. You should invest your love in God first, Mary second, and the people in your life third, then perhaps animals and plants, etc. Of course it’s not your fault that you were born in a rich society and picked up what I call Affluenza, one of materialism’s nastiest diseases. Anyway, if you want to grow spiritually, you need to think about what I’ve said and take it seriously. It’s for your own good.
Finally, although you aren’t there yet, at some point you will have to center your life around the teaching, not try to fit the teaching into your life when it is convenient. If you were a committed karma yogi, you would not have had to ask me this question. It’s OK. I’m not complaining, but this is really a small matter. Of course you feel sad for a few minutes when something you love dies but death is inevitable for every one and everything. It is sitting on your shoulder waiting for the right opportunity to take you. The time, place and manner of death is not in our hands. Isvara says, “I am Time, destroyer of wombs.” It is not good. It is not bad. It is just a fact. Respect Isvara.
I attached the text you requested.
Much love,
Ramji