By Sundari
Peter: Many, many thanks for these deep and helpful words!!
It took me a while to read it all and absorb it, but they are very wise words for sure and they help me a great deal to use it as a sadhana to grow and above all stay in the here and now where mithya dares not go.
Could you please remind me about karma yoga? Is it whereby you accept all situations that come along and offer them as a sacrifice to Shiva? One is no longer focused on results and takes what comes. But karma is also the wind and the yoga of work or action I believe.
I just want to be clear, since you mention karma yoga as the way to go quite a few times.
Sundari: I am glad the teaching in the last satsang helped as what you are going through is one of the toughest challenges we face as humans. Losing a loved one in the way you lost your son is brutal, and there is no immunity against processing the feelings. It certainly is a true test of how the teachings of nonduality are working in your life.
I mentioned karma yoga several times in my last email assuming you understood it, my apologies. Karma yoga is the greatest tool at our disposal to navigate through mithya, the world of duality, or apparent reality. It is the only burnout or meltdown insurance that actually works. The topic is exhaustively covered in many satsangs posted on the Shiningworld website (the satsang section has a search function), as well as in many of our publications and videos.
Simply put, karma yoga is taking appropriate action and surrendering all results to Isvara, or to Life, with an attitude of consecration and gratitude for all it brings, good or bad. It is not always easy to give up the doer or accept certain results, especially in very challenging situations such as processing grief.
In the case of what you are going through, the karma yoga attitude means taking what has happened as Isvara’s will. It does not mean suppressing or denying what you are feeling. Gratitude is always the appropriate response to everything life brings us, but in this case, it is very hard not only to accept but to see your loss as a gift or feel gratitude for it. So, feel grateful instead for the love you have for your son, knowing it will never die just because his body is no longer present. Feel gratitude for the times you had with him, and for the fact that he no longer needs to navigate the harsh reality of duality. He is the Self, always with you, and at peace.
Karma yoga is not good news for the ego (small-self identity), but it is the only way to negate the doer because the burden of doership is the root of all suffering. Freedom from limitation is not about denying the existence of the ego, perfecting the ego, or banishing the ego. It is about understanding that the ego is not real, meaning, not always present and always changing. Only the knower of the egoic small self, you, the Self, is always present and unchanging.
The whole point of self-inquiry is to determine your true identity. To achieve this the mind must be cleared of its likes and dislikes so that it becomes composed enough to do sustained self-inquiry.  Only inquiry removes the problem of doer-ship because it shows that you, the Self, cannot be the ego (doer) that is known to you.  When that is clear, the doer can appear in you, but you do not identify with it. Thus, the grieving father is allowed to be, but you observe him as the Self, with compassion, but without identifying with him.
With karma yoga, peace of mind ensues because sameness of mind will be the attitude one brings to everything, loss or gain, success, or failure. Then life works no matter what result you get. This is because life is not about getting what you want; it is about the one who does not want. In your case, it is natural to want your son to live. But that is one result you know you cannot have. Karma yoga is a gift if practiced correctly because it takes the existential burden of grief off your shoulders and puts it squarely where it belongs, onto the Field, onto Isvara.
As Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita, ‘a little karma yoga removes a lot of agitation.’ What you do with the gift of life is your offering to the Field, which is obviously intelligently designed so there must be an intelligent architect. Only Isvara is omniscient, we cannot know what is in anyone else’s karma account or why things happen, even to those the closest to us. If we appreciate this fact, we understand that there are no mistakes in life. Our children are not ours; they belong to Life, to Isvara, and they have their karma to live out. Your son completed his brief stay here on this earth so young as the person you knew and loved because that was his prarabdha karma. But who he truly is never ends.
It is natural to wonder why such painful things as losing your son happen, who would not. But if you are fair-minded, you can find an upside for every downside because life is perfectly equilibrated, even though it is hard for us to see it from the limited perspective of the small self. Nonetheless, the half-empty glass is half full. A positive attitude is no less realistic than a negative attitude.
I hope this helps you to get through this very hard time
In love and light
Sundari