This is a reply to a woman who is uncertain how to handle her relationship with a teen-ager who is experimenting with drugs.
Dear Marsha,
I think the best thing to do is to tell he that you respect her for wanting to make her own choices in life, even though you don’t think drugs are a wise choice. Tell her that you will be there for her if she needs support. As Krishna says in the Gita, “All beings follow their natures. What use is control?” It seems that you know this because you say, “I have left it to ishwara/intelligent field who clearly sees this as a necessity for growth, uncomfortable as it is. I say, ‘seems” because the rest of your email says that you haven’t left it to Isvara. Leaving it to Isvara means accepting her decision.
You’re right that dope is for dopes but she needs to figure that out on her own. Probably most kids who experiment with drugs don’t get addicted. Even if they do, it is possible to break an addition, as you know. Anyway, the negative feelings that you have about this aren’t helping, They make the situation worse. Be cheerful and ask her to do something interesting together,
The final point is to see that she isn’t “your” daughter. She belongs to Isvara and you are just caretaking. Generally, people need to make a lot of mistakes to grow. So take the long view and look after your own emotions. The fact that you love her is enough. That’s all we can expect from others. She will be happy if she knows you’re happy. But trying to save someone from themselves never works.
Much love, James
