This email was written as homework by a participant of the Sunday night satsang on Zoom. It was written in answer to another inquirer who had written James about the difficulty of managing unwanted emotions after a 10 day Vedanta intensive.
Dear X…
Here’s my analysis of your email to James. As we all live in a community, first as dependent children with our parents and relatives, the need to be loved is crucial for our emotional survival. As children we are loved, but as we grow we need to reassure ourselves that we are still loved and worthy to live among others. That‘s why you depend on the “opinion of others“ and the “desire to be liked.“
There is nothing wrong with that, but if you don’t deeply question your unworthyness, it will accompany you for your whole lifetime. It’s clear that feeling this way doesn’t serve you for the good. Shame is the flipside. Trying to please others to get love in return is shameful.
Applying the opposite thought is a good means to change your perspective. You can’t stop the unhelpful thinking…at least not at first…but you can learn to intelligently manage your relationship to your thoughts. And yes, there is nothing wrong with whatever thoughts occur. The secret is to dedicate them all to Ishvara…return to sender…let them go and expect nothing in return. Letting go is better than they result of any action. It is liberating. This is Karma Yoga. Intensify your practice and your mind will become pure and you will generate a sattvic bubble on your own. No need to wait for the satsang on Sunday night.
This unhealthy feeling is due to identifying with the body/mind entity’s likes and dislikes. Your gunas are managing you. You are sattvic in satsangs and tamasic/rajasic when you are on your own. If you practice the opposite thought…”I am unborn whole and complete non-dual love”…diligently, you will get more sattvic and you will notice what is already there…yourself, the witnessing consciousness. The witness is an inquirer. Witnessing is discrimination between what’s real (satya) and what’s apparently real (mithya). The process of discrimination loosens the degree of identification with the apparent objects, thoughts, feelings, etc. in the apparent world (maya is mithya). Dis-identification leads to the realization “I am not that jiva entity.” Ignorance goes. It unfolds your true nature as love.