John: Dear James, it’s quite difficult to use words to describe it, but I keep observing strange thoughts appearing that cause funny emotions. When they become strong it takes a lot of energy to not get “lost” in them but even when this happens I am okay. It’s a funny thing to know that I am free even when I am apparently suffering. It feels a bit masochistic. Ha.
This urge to stick with the teachings and continuously returning to this knowledge is working itself out in my life here. Just a few days ago I found out that some close relatives don’t want to be in contact with me anymore, because it causes them too much emotional disturbance that I am not pursuing a career, wife, house, kids, etc.
But I finally understood that it is their karma, and I dearly love them. But I cannot take responsibility for their minds. I know Isvara takes care of them and even though I was sad at first when I heard it, after an hour it actually felt as a relief. Isvara takes care of everything, and apparently it has to be that way now. One statement you told me really stuck: “You already have it, now let the jiva work it out.” By keeping my mind on the scriptures I cannot help but act accordingly in harmony with my true nature because it just makes much more sense than life in this apparent reality. And that includes lovingly standing up for myself too when needed.
So apart from my small job, which I do with a joyful heart, that’s what I am up to right now. ☺ Thanks for asking.
~ Great love
James: It seems your discrimination is excellent, John, if this statement is any indication: “It’s a funny thing to know that I am free even when I am apparently suffering. It feels a bit masochistic. Ha.” Good for you! Discrimination between the Self and the jiva is the essence of Vedanta. The story about your samsaric relatives’ grandparents is totally amazing. So much for love!
