Dear Ramji,
Long time no speak! I’ve been meaning to drop you a line for so long, but I guess I haven’t felt I’ve had much of interest to say. Plus, I know you’ve been busy travelling and get a ton of email as it is. But I still wanted to just say hi and let you know I was thinking of you. In fact, you are always in my thoughts and heart.
I’m doing very well. In fact, amazingly, I’ve actually never felt happier in my life. It turns out when you’re extremely ill, people have no expectations of you and you somehow shed all self-expectation too. Every day is a simple joy and I’m absolutely full of wonder at the beauty of God in and around me. I sometimes feel like a grinning simpleton because I take so much pleasure in the simplest, everyday things, such as the green of Springtime, cherry blossom on the trees, the turquoise blue of a cloudless sky and a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Maybe I just appreciate it all so much more now. The poor old gross body has been on chemotherapy since December, but it’s working so well they want to keep going and then see what the next treatment options are. Fortunately, I have a good oncologist and I basically let him make the decisions and take care of what needs to be done and I just let it all unfold. There’s still a possibility that the body can make a full recovery. I don’t admit this to many people, because few would understand, but life feels remarkably stress free. The power of Self Knowledge is simply amazing. People think it’s because I’m a “strong person”, which is a hilarious misconception. Any strength comes from knowing that I’m not a person at all. I don’t have a body! What a blessed relief!
It’s impossible to have problems when you weed out the notion of “being a person”. Without that fundamental bit of faulty code, everything is just Awareness and it is all beautifully, blissfully perfect, all the time. One of my favourite Ramji quotables of all time, which I often share with others, is: “A problem is only a problem if you think it’s a problem.” I adore that and have found it to be so utterly true. When I truly assimilated that understanding, I found it’s a get out clause for all problems no matter what they might be. There’s just Awareness—what more does anyone need?
I’ve found I don’t listen to or read much Vedanta these days. I think I got to that point where the scriptures feel “as much use as a puddle when the land is flooded”. That said, they’re still alive in my heart. I do practise nididhyasana every day by just allowing my mind to rest and “merge” into Awareness. I can do that even when my body isn’t feeling great and it’s wonderful because there’s a steady current of bliss I can just melt into when the mind is quiescent enough. I’ve found it’s tremendously healing too. While I’d accepted the fact my jiva carried certain traumas and pratibandikas from childhood and my early life, I’ve learned that simply yielding the mind to Awareness and resting in that, AS that, subtly yet steadily seems to melt away the jiva’s psychological stuff until there’s nothing but the peace and wholeness of who I am. That’s pretty cool. The jiva has an inbuilt self-correction mechanism and the secret is the actualisation of Self Knowledge!
I find I still get creative ideas for books and I’ve even been thinking about creating a course on Vedantic meditation. I still have the impulse to help share the Knowledge. Alas, I don’t have the energy to do very much about it at the moment. Most days, it takes all my energy to just do the daily basics. But if Ishvara wants these things done, I’ve made it clear that I need at least a halfway functioning body and mind! I mean, fair is fair, huh?
How are things with you? I hope your travels went smoothly. Are you going back to Trout Lake in the Summer? I was wondering how you were getting on with your “Wall” book? Did you ever complete it or is it still a work in progress?
Sending the great Ramji endless love and best wishes.
Ramji: Yes, it’s been a long time since we spoke. I think of you every day and pray for victory in your battle will be successful and you will regain full health, but I too don’t have much of interest to say apart from Vedanta although lifes many ironies provide Sundari and I with plenty of conversational tidbits. Every day I am just me (what else?) and every day is more or less the same…no big ups or downs…just life being life, flowing inexorably on. With a sense of wonder my father used to say, “When will it end?” It ends for the body but Isvara is certainly taking its own sweet time tucking this amazing body into the warm inviting earth, which is just fine.
While it’s not a big hoot, it’s actually passably interesting watching life and death battle it out side by side. For instance, it seems my faithful old ticker is having a bit of trouble circulating blood if the blood pooling around my ankles is any indication, but when I went for a checkup, the doc said that all the vital signs were excellent. He actually used the words, “clean bill of health.” But he added that the readings are like a video of a car idling in the garage. We’ll get a truer idea when I do a stress test, which he likened to an automobile pushing the speed limit on the freeway. Downside/upside.
He’s recommended a stress test, which I will take soon. A couple of days ago he gave me gave me a gentle diuretic, which helps with the swelling but adds another pill to my daily routine. Many years ago I went to visit Swami Dayananda in Pennsylvania. I was having a cuppa in Macdonalds early in the morning and working on one of my scriptural commentaries, sitting next to a large group of seniors who were obviously regulars. They chatted for over an hour about this and that. As the meeting wound down the topic turned to health care which can take up a lot of time for members of that cohort but eventually came to a stop. A a few seconds of silence ensued. It ended when a gentleman said, “Yep, it’s the pills that keep us going”. I was totally amused and, of course, I had no idea that one fine day I would be able to say that truer words were never spoken. Isvara’s sense of irony is second to none. It’s more or less a day at a time now but then it is always only a day at a time whether one knows it or not. Every morning when my eyes open is a nice bonus. And If they don’t, I won’t know they didn’t.
It has been very nice to get out and meet people again. Considering the situation, the recent spate of seminars in northern Europe were well attended by the usual grey hairs who have been Vedanta devotees for quite some time and a nice mix of thirty somethings too. There are even three or four twenty somethings just out of college writing me regularly, including a young Nigerian scammer! In mysterious ways His wonders to perform. Most of the new people have been more or less properly prepped by the website so teaching is pretty easy and and a powerful palpable silence develops quickly as the group mind empties. A lot of happy chatter between sessions too. I’m happy to be back in Spain with Sundari, the cacti and the cat now, however.
Here’s a bit of good news: ShiningWorld is a proper non-profit corporation with tax exempt status now, again by Isvara’s grace. Soon we will have our first board meeting, for which I’m writing a mission statement. I hope that this kind of structure will attract people who want to shape the future of ShiningWorld as it confronts an obviously disturbed planet much in need of non-dual wisdom. We will put our assets in and operate as a proper institution. Mother would be proud. There are many talented people who can add their voices in various capacities to something that may not put the world in a state of eternal bliss but which will at least keep the truth alive for those rare souls who sincerely seek it.
I knew about the German translation of your excellent Gita, having been regularly informed by German, who I must say is really running with Vedanta, may Isvara bless him in every way. I’ve been touting it regularly in my online classes and during the recent tour. Yes, I’ll be going to the States to do Trout Lake in August and like you I have several writing projects in mind for next year, maybe sooner. I’m still pecking away at the Sci-fi project but don’t hold your breath. I’ve written enough commentary on scripture but my present scribblings can’t help but be informed by the all-pervading presence that informs all activities everywhere. Like you say, Vedanta is always alive in the heart in those of us who have been so amply blessed by God’s bounty. Be well, dear friend.
Much love,
A Grinning Simpleton