Mind management is the key to a happy life, and to apply it, we need guna knowledge, which will be the subject of our Zoom Satsang on Sunday 25th June. It is such an important topic because without it, our mind goes from friend to foe. Our reality, which is whatever experience we are having, becomes fraught with emotion and therefore, a highly agitated mind. When it comes to things that trigger the mind, it often loses its ability to discriminate, unless we have a firm hold on managing the gunas.
It is always hard to know for sure the ‘truth’ of anything in mithya because none of it is real – meaning, always changing. Thoughts appear in the mind, the endless cycling of the gunas push and pull it this way and that, feelings come and go. What does it all mean? Not much. To the observer, Me/Self, it means nothing. Just experiences, all of which end. Trying to make sense of any of it is often futile because it’s a zero sum. Each mind is a kingdom known only to itself, and also, often, especially unknown to itself. Known only by the Self.
Isvara created a situation in my life this week which brought up an ego issue that remained hidden. It was ostensibly about perceived disrespect from someone I care about, and who is close to us. The motivation to respond to the situation for me was that humility is the hallmark of a free person, and arrogance the flag of the ego, of ignorance, which is true. I had to learn that lesson the hard way a while back, and it was not fun for the poor ego. Most of us have arrogance to some degree because the ego is a fear thought, and it needs to be protected in a world that is threatening because it is mostly unknowable.
Arrogance with its attendant superiority is a samskara that is hard to accept and come to terms with because the ego very much wants to hold onto its good opinion of itself. Nobody likes to see the less than fabulous parts of the psyche. But the things most hidden from us must be rooted out for humility to operate as a function of freedom from the jiva identity. I have spoken at length about what I call the Duryodhyana factor, and recently posted another satsang from an inquirer on it. It can be scary for the ego to ‘go there’.
The humility I speak of and we all need to develop, if moksa is the aim, is not self-abasement but is rooted in Self-knowledge. It is the cognizance of the zero sum nature of life in the apparent reality. It is the ability to see everything as the same, as the Self, that no-one is superior or inferior to anyone. It just is. It creates a mind that understands and has compassion for the sensitivity of the ego-identity, so treats everyone the same, with kindness, gratitude, transparency, and friendship. Until we face the most hidden part of our ego identity, this kind of humility is usually not accessible to us.
However, upon deeper inquiry into the experience of the jiva in the situation mentioned, I found there was hurt. The hurt came from the attachment to being a ‘carer’. A lifelong investment in caring too much for ‘others’, and along with it, the expectation that those cared for would respond in an appropriate way. I.e., showing caring in a way my jiva identity understands it. But what Isvara quite regularly shows me is that most people cared for do not care, at least, not in the way one expects them to.
The obvious downside is the loss of dispassion when the one cared about behaves in a seemingly uncaring way. The mind registers disrespect, which may or may not be there, and this causes hurt. And what is hurt, if not the ego? It is easy to see the limitation in this ‘caring’ tendency as a function of the limited ego if Self-knowledge is applied to it. The fact is, how can we ever know what another is feeling or not feeling? As the Self, we are all that is known and knowable. But in the world of experience, even with Self-knowledge, it is hard to know anyone well. We all have our own peculiar inner world with its known or unknown psychological makeup.
Why should anyone care for us, and for that matter, why should we care about anyone, either? James had a realization when he was quite young that actually, nobody really cares about anyone but themselves. He was the first born and very well cared for while I was the tenth child and not so well cared for. My conditioning was all about putting others first. Caring became part of my nature, but essentially, everything we do is for our own agenda. Being a carer made me feel good.
We all think we are so unique, and our life stories do seem to proclaim that. But there is only one ‘jiva’ and one ‘ego’, with one ‘story’ and we all share it. We are all a mixed bag, and that bag consists of universal guna generated thoughts and tendencies, positive and negative. How easily Maya fools, even when we think we know ourselves. Our ‘not’ selves. Things seem to happen. We get drawn in, or not.
Maybe our assessment of our experience is true to the object of our experience. And maybe it’s not. Who can tell? It’s all a strange dream. Dispassion kicks in if Self-knowledge is operating, and doesn’t if it is not. When situations arise where our ‘caring’ is not appreciated, dispassion is often not accessible because of hurt feelings. Karma yoga fails, which temporarily obscures access to Self-knowledge, which is very unpleasant, even for a moment.
Kindness towards others is an important value to uphold. I will not stop caring because it is my nature to do so. But caring without karma yoga, or caring too much carries emotional ego hooks. Freedom from the jiva means I am free of the need for any result. Though we all want to be respected, and society would fall apart if respect for ourselves and ‘others’ did not function, our subjective interpretations always stand in the way without mind management. If we are unconscious of our unconscious conditioning, the mind will create its own story about everything.
Respect is not something that can be expected. And anyway, what does it matter if someone does not care, or disrespects ‘me’? I am not affected, only the ego feels it. If someone disrespects me, they are only disrespecting themselves. Life, Isvara will rectify the situation if it needs rectification, it is not up to me. Does this mean I never respond appropriately if injury takes place? That depends on the situation as sometimes we are required to take a stand. But we do so with mind management and karma yoga. If dispassion rules, so does Self-knowledge. If we are not too arrogant and humility is operating, we see that everything coming at us from the field is just a play of the gunas. Negativity does not stick, the bliss is too strong. All that is, is that. Love. Me. Nothing and no one is excluded. ‘Caring’ and ‘hurt’ are just thoughts known to me. Â
So, fresh with the newly minted freedom from this need to care and be respected –
Blessed are Those
Who stand unmoved and unmoving
Unshackled from the shadow of the ego
With all its fears and desires
And desperate need to protect its limited identity
Untouched by sorrow or joy
Or that which is known or unknown
Always full and satisfied
From the Fountain of the Limitless Self
Sundari