Simon: The last time we wrote was around mid-October, and the flow was on all levels so good, yet I lost track a bit, but not really, because of work and its result.
It was also about the artha ‘issue’. And, while working hard, finishing a job, heading for the end I felt my batteries need some juice – time to pause.
But then I didn’t get paid … It will come – probably – but it was the money to also relax, pay the bills, fix some stuff and so on. So, not much time for a pause. I will get through, as usual, but well… it’s all at the minimum and compared to the energy I’ve put in – it feels nasty.
Some doubts and questions came up, stacked on top as it were, but I thought to change a few things first, and see whether they remain after. The satsang you gave is all about it, so …Nonetheless, I see/understand, more than I can express…
The word insouciance you used I associated with ‘insolence’ – and then I remembered something I wrote some years ago:
Proposition.
About pain and suffering
we can talk,
time and time again,
without end.
Shall We?
Or,
do we want
to understand,
beyond this insolence,
the knowledge
of freedom?
to be,
which is without doubt,
real.
Sundari: I find your poetry clean and beautiful, thank you for sending it. It gives me a window into how ‘your’ mind works, and it is a beautiful mind. I can hear the Self talking!
Simon: The whole event of work, no pay, etc., reminded me of what you said, some time ago, about Isvara ‘overdoing’ it – I fully trust Self-knowledge. The fire-fly effect or phase isn’t completely over. But when it is ‘off’ I still am. So that is good. What is not good, and where insouciance is a form of discrimination, automatically, to correct it – is that tripti is somewhat vague, or that excessive tamas seems to linger without me seeing why or how.
Yet, I am, peace, so that is what experience defines. All the rest is stacked on it. At any rate, I stopped worrying about it and I will quit smoking, and start breathing, which will do good.
Sundari: There is only one thing we can ever know for sure, and that is that we are the Self. And as long as we know that the Self is what we stand on (our understanding), we are at peace, even if moksa has not fully obtained and Self-knowledge seems to blink on and off occasionally. Worrying certainly will not help, so why go there? When the mind is tamasic, tripti can seem a bit off for the jiva. But again, you are never ‘off or on’ because you are the Self, not the jiva.
So what if the mind feels dull? You are never dull. The bliss of Self-knowledge has nothing to do with how the jiva is feeling, it is always present no matter what is going on in the mind. We can manage the gunas with Self-knowledge for peace of mind, and there are also appropriate actions we can take to manage the relative proportions of rajas and tamas with reference to sattva. Giving up smoking is certainly a step in the right direction. Our lifestyle must be aligned with the scripture, there is no fine print to that if perfect peace of mind is our main aim. If we do not take care of the body the mind suffers, and self-inquiry is very hard if not impossible.
Simon: Since I am not the gunas, which was the very knowledge that got jiva on the bus, driving the road named sadhana, because my mind wasn’t sattvic and jiva thought he had to be sattvic to ever understand … which does help, but nonetheless, this knowledge doesn’t condition to any guna; it knows about the gunas, I know about the gunas. Tricky but true and so no matter what guna or mix thereof, discernment is always the very key to ‘open the door’ and seeing.
Sundari: Discrimination is what inquiry is all about, and is the difference between dependence/bondage and freedom. The clarity of your understanding regarding the gunas is very good, keep discriminating! The gunas will play out as they must, no one, not even Isvara, knows why they manifest the way they do. There is no ‘off’ button for them, other than Self-knowledge; yet even when moksa has obtained, the gunas still do their thing and a jnani has no problem with that. If the mind is tamasic, rajasic, or sattvic, you are not. As you correctly stated, the Self does not condition to the gunas but dispassionately observes them play out.
When you say, ‘this knowledge does not condition to any gunas’ I am glad you added ‘I know about the gunas’. Always claim the ‘I’ as the Self. Remember that knowledge is another object known to you, the Self. If Self-knowledge is direct, it is not really knowledge because it is who you are; if it is knowledge then it is indirect, as in knowledge of or about the Self. But when you know you ARE the Self, knowledge, and ignorance end. The jiva experiences its nature as Sat in a pure sattvic mind, but if Self-ignorance is gone, it knows it is not the experiencer of knowledge. It is that which makes all experience possible, even Self-knowledge.
The allure of sattva, especially in the spiritual world, can be its own pernicious kind of ignorance trap because sattva is just another much sought-after object to obtain to perfect the jiva. But not only can you not perfect the jiva because it is not real, but you also cannot become more sattvic because the nature of the mind is sattva, SAT. Excess rajas and tamas can cover sattva, so guna management means aiming for sattva so that the jiva has peace of mind and thus, a good life. You don’t have ‘a life’ or a mind and are already free, so you don’t need sattva to experience yourself. But it helps the jiva. It is almost impossible for Self-knowledge to obtain in a mind that is highly rajasic or tamasic.
Simon: The curveball of Isvara is worse than I could possibly foresee. Something terrible happened – a building job I’ve done a few years ago that went sour and now is costly and complicated. It’s not just technically, but financially and hard on these people, they are good people, and even if they were not … I see I have to yield – and take up this karma yoga in a way, level, like never before or that clearly. I thought it through, insofar as possible and I have to take responsibility for it. I see through the many events. Last night I couldn’t sleep and this morning I took the first step to make up for the whole damn thing; contacting the people where the problem sits.
After walking the dog, I read the just posted satsang ‘Don’t look back’ and felt like being a couple of steps behind the (non) person who wrote about his resolve. There is for jiva the incomprehensibility of Maya – I can tell how all this evolved, but not why it has to be this way, on any account. I can ‘blame’ Isvara/ignorance, personal and universal – as it plays out as a team, so to speak.
But the very words of this satsang confirm what I realized last night. I don’t want to hide, my jiva self or anything, certainly not to you, as I definitely cannot do without the Teacher and the teaching.
Sundari: The satsang you mention has helped many people; it comes from an inquirer who has the same clear jiva honesty you do. When it comes to karma, as Krishna says to Arjuna, even the sages are perplexed. Maya is inscrutable. Prarabdha karma playing out now for the Subtle body could be the momentum of past actions in this life or another, who’s to know?
Additionally, there are so many factors in the field responsible for the smallest of actions, it is impossible to point a finger directly at anything or anyone. There is no actual doer as the doer is only one component of any outcome. Only someone who is totally ignorant of Isvara, who is the only doer, can falsely claim ownership of any outcome.
Except that Isvara is not an actual doer either because the creation is not real and Isvara is not a person. However, though there is no doer, this is a lawful universe that runs on natural laws which cannot be contravened without consequence. The scales of justice automatically equilibrate in the great big machine of mithya, and dharma is built into the system even when it does not seem to be so. The jiva cannot see the whole picture, only Isvara, who is time, can see it all. Things happen or seem to happen as they must in the dream of mithya, but for the Self, nothing ever happens.
So, no matter the jiva’s part in this unfortunate set of circumstances, however unfair, the situation needs to be addressed on the mithya level according to dharma. You have the right (and only sane) attitude to it and the only tools that work to address it: karma yoga and jnana yoga. You are not responsible for what happened, but you have the ability to respond correctly to what Isvara has brought your way. The great term, in’s hallah, is the perfect karma yoga attitude to have.
Unpleasant prarabdha is not much fun, but there is no running or hiding from it. You are right to man up to it and face it head-on, good for you. If there is something to clear up for the jiva best get to it as soon as possible or it will fester like a splinter and cause ever-increasing dis-ease in the mind. The jiva will feel good about itself when dharma is upheld, and peace of mind is paramount. There is no price worth paying for the loss of peace of mind. And who knows what grace may come from it?
Simon: I felt some fear too, fear to never make it through ignorance. For why would I deserve Vedanta by the grace of Isvara and yet get so fucked over?
Sundari: Ignorance is an object known to you, so don’t mix up satya and mithya, they never meet. You didn’t get fucked over, did you, so who did? It seems like the jiva did, but did it, really? Isvara can be brutal, but it is infallible. As stated above, karma is often impossible to understand for the jiva, but it has nothing to do with you as the Self. See the fear for what it is, false evidence appearing real. Mithya is a complex place, nothing lasts or works out as we expect it to, everything is in a state of flux, there are always problems. Everyone makes mistakes and gets the short end of the stick at some point.
Despite it all, Isvara takes care of the Total for the good of the Total first, and foremost. The Stoics have a good take on this, basically, life is unfair, suck it up, and stop whining. Life is just one big problem to be solved, especially if you think you are a jiva. Luckily, Maya may be beginningless, but it is not endless because Self-knowledge removes avidya, personal ignorance, and you can truly and permanently be of the jiva.
Self-knowledge is working for you, as you acknowledge. This is just a jiva setback and it will pass. What does any of it matter in the end anyway…Whatever the outcome, which is up to Isvara alone, all you can do is take the appropriate action in the karma yoga attitude and be at peace about it. Trust Isvara totally and return to Isvara what belongs only to Isvara, meaning return the ignorance to its source, Maya.
Simon: But then again, I cannot measure ‘my’ self by what I do or don’t – action, the doer, and only by what I am.
Sundari: Who is measuring who? The only true measure of your worth can never be measured because you are that which is the measure of all things. Nobody does anything, everything happens thanks to Isvara, even ‘your’ mistakes. (See more on this below).
Simon: No matter what happens, some of the ignorance is gone; gone every day in the present and at another level it never was. Yet past actions fructify straight into my face and so I will deal with it to the best of my ability and leave it up to God.
Sundari: Good for you. Moksa obtains when it obtains, thought by thought, brick by brick. Facing the jiva program without defending it or making excuses for it is ‘the work’ of self-inquiry, and it can be most unpleasant for the poor sensitive ego. Even though nobody makes themselves the way they are, to be free means that we need to understand the underlying fear/desire samskaras in the jiva’s program that attract karma to us. Sometimes it is clear to see the patterns, but sometimes it is not possible to ascertain what the jiva did or did not do, it is just prarabdha karma playing out.
Past actions must (and will) fructify, there is no way to turn back the bullet once it leaves the barrel of the gun. It will find its mark. We have the choice to identify with karma (good or bad), or not. You have the knowledge to observe these circumstances play out with the certainty that as God caused them God will take care of them. It may be the case that we screw up and break dharma, in which case, we need to take appropriate action to rectify the matter. It doesn’t often happen because jnani’s always act with great discrimination, but sometimes, even with the best of intentions, appropriate actions, and dharmic attitude, things just go wrong. In either case, it is Isvara behind it, but only in the latter case are we completely off the hook.
Perhaps one of the subtlest things to grasp in negating the jiva/doer identity is that when Self-knowledge finally removes that highly resistant doer ignorance and Self-knowledge obtains, the jiva’s identity ‘collapses’ into Isvara because they share the same identity as the Self. We often hear inquirers say…’ that is just Isvara’, as though only certain things can be ascribed to Isvara. But everything is Isvara because there is no difference, essentially, between Isvara and jiva except in their ability to create.
As the Self, you are beyond Isvara and jiva, they are both reflected Awareness, objects known to you. Once the doer identification is gone, surrender to Isvara means you know that the field of Existence, the reflected medium in which the jiva transacts, is a perfectly functioning system non-separate from you, but not you. You can no longer be seduced by or caught in the sticky trap of Maya. Once Self-knowledge obtains it does not necessarily mean that life will no longer have bumps in the road or that there will be no more difficult karma for the jiva. But everything is prasad and taken in your stride because not only do you know the jiva and what happens to it is not real and not you, but you know that no karma ever comes to you, the Self.
When all vasanas are rendered non-binding and the doer permanently negated, the program that previously ran the jiva and caused suffering is a burned rope, one that has no power to bind. The karma it once attracted can no longer be delivered to it because the jiva account with Isvara is closed. You probably know the greatest of all Mahavakyas in Vedanta, and if you don’t know, memorize it, and chant it often. It captures the essence of the teachings:
Brahma Satyam Jagan Mithya Jivo Bramaiva Na Parah.
It means:
I, the Self, am limitless Consciousness and the Jiva is non-different from me.
As Jivatman, you can trust yourself to always act appropriately because you are Dharma with a big D. If the doer is truly and permanently negated, you cannot make mistakes anymore; all desires and actions are automatically in line with dharma, and in the karma yoga spirit. You may not be omnipotent or omniscient as Isvara is, but nonetheless, Isvara is you though you are not it. In this way, it can truly be said that the path to Self-discovery is actually the path to God-discovery.
Keep up the great work Simon, you are doing so well, and I really admire your honesty and transparency. It’s the mark of a free person, even if the person identity may still linger a bit here and there. It’s on the way out, this you know. Trust the knowledge, hold fast to it as a diver holds fast to the shot line on a deep-sea dive.
You are home and can never be lost again.
Much love
Sundari
