The Importance of Kindness in Living a Good Life

Dear Sundari, dear James,

I refer to the above mentioned satsang which is really into nididhyasana and into learning to live with and free of the jiva. I experience two, though reality is nondual, realms of handling jivas life. And as you say, it is all about the way I think responding to what’s „thrown at me“ by Ishvara.

One is being affected, involved in „walking the path of death“ worrying, being fearful and delivered to the play of the gunas, the causal body that doesn’t belong to me.

The other one is dwelling in the „dispassionate observer-ship … as a conceptual entity. This one is freedom from and for the jiva – Moksha.

But as long as the „stand in awareness“ isn’t firm enough I commute between these two. This is the hard part for the inquirer. I encounter situations where I offend people by being a dispassionate observer. They regard it as unempathetic and inappropriate.

You say: „Moksha is about being authentic, ordinary and real in the true meaning of those words.“

I guess these two realms live together. Being authentic means being empathetic, feeling the grief and sorrow of that person and at the same time not to take over these emotions on my own.

Isn’t that true? Isn’t it „both and“. Feeling compassion and remaining as the dispassionate observer?


This is really a masterpiece.

Much Love

Sundari: Thank you for your wonderful feedback. Indeed, the process of moving between the identification with jiva and knowledge of it as the Self is normal for most inquirers, at least until such time as Self-knowledge actualizes.  Then your primary identity as the Self is always known, and though the jiva program operates ‘as before’, it is managed by Self-knowledge. Which means that it will always be an imperfect construct, but its way of being in the world will be much improved.  This is most evident in its day to day interactions with people. 

As Vedantins, because identifying with the dispassionate Self is part of moksa (freedom from and for the jiva), we have a tendency to be detached, very transparent, and therefore, very honest.  While this is a good thing for us, it is not always good for those who do not have access to Self-knowledge.  I had to learn this lesson, too. I tended to be too honest. It does offend people because all egos are very fragile. So yes, compassion goes along with dispassion when you know you are the Self.

Even more so, because living as the Self means you have more compassion for the minds of those who are still under the spell of ignorance. You know what that means, and how hard it is. Being ‘authentic’ includes taking their feelings into consideration.  Non-injury in thought word and deed is always the first and most important aspect of dharma. Kindness towards others matters a great deal if we want to live a good life. And it has a huge impact on us when it is missing from our lives.

Kindness is like gratitude – it benefits the one bestowing it more than the one to whom it is given because it brings peace of mind, improves all relationships, and it makes us feel good about ourselves. When we hurt others, even when we don’t mean too and can rationalize it as ‘their problem’, we do not feel good about ourselves. It takes so little to show you care, but it means a lot when you don’t.

We will be talking more on this topic this Sunday, thank you for sharing this as it is a very important part of Self-actualizing.

With much love

Sundari

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