C: Yes, after negating virtually everything – and understanding the relations, non-relation, between Isvara, Jiva and Self became clear.
I saw it for a long time, pending while working towards it.
- retracting sense-perception, making sure ‘thought’ is an object, halt to much mechanical worry, trust the love I am, feel and mean to life by, and enjoy the adventure of clarification.
- rendering the psyche into peace.
- Understanding that both knowledge and ignorance are in/of Maya.
- etc.
- Keep it simple.
A preclude of this went as a thought/notion, formulated as being made in the image of God – ‘God is me, but I am not God’ – jiva thought to himself while relegating all issues to, let’s say, the Vedic order/knowledge, and so rendering questions and doubts into ‘done’ / ‘answered’. Meanwhile, accepting the life of jiva.
Sundari: As Jivatman, you can trust yourself to always act appropriately because you are Dharma with a big D. If the doer is truly and permanently negated, you cannot make mistakes anymore; all desires and actions are automatically in line with dharma, and in the karma yoga spirit. You may not be omnipotent or omniscient as Isvara is, but nonetheless, Isvara is you though you are not it. In this way, it can truly be said that the path to Self-discovery is actually the path to God-discovery.
C: Because of this, devotion feels clean and honest again, and confident. No longer tense and lingering in the odd ugly-ness of rajas, anger, gloomy, etc. God-discovery, that is very much it. Even some angry rajas are now funny and at times useful – but on a leash of which I hardly feel any pull, a well-trained dog.
C: Understanding, removing ignorance, dis-covery of God 🙂 This does end the doer, and gives me, or mind actually, the chance to negate the doer/doing. Doing is not an actual problem, I think but experiencing the limited is a problem.
Sundari: I think you know this but it’s not clear from how you worded this: it is not the mind that negates the doer but the assimilation of Self-knowledge, you. Doing is not the problem, the mind identified as a mind/doer is limited and is the problem.
C: Now I can see how/why the mantra cleans up; the effects of ignorance, it’s part – built into the appearance, its root it seems; hardwired. I enjoy the non-creation teaching; that one really knocked me into the joy of just being – and the incredible beauty of everything; if there is anything, maya; it is the Teaching. Which, also – will pass 🙂
But not yet.
Sundari: The teaching passes when you know you are the teaching.
C: My life is simple – almost … a lot of solitude, a few good friends and neighbours, good family, love for and by this cosmos, unreal/real as it is. A good dog even 🙂 and a few basic possessions and a beautiful place to live.
Almost, because if it were up to me, all complications ought to go; I have little money and the gap now creates effects that make it harder. In the west, we cannot afford to be poor, oddly enough.
Sundari: Up to who, exactly? All complications do go when you know you are not the doer because the doer is what makes complications complicated. Life will always be complicated, how can it not be, run by the gunas as it is? The whole point of moksa is to be free of the one who wants an uncomplicated life, or not to be ‘poor’.
I know what you mean though, the West being so materialistic and spiritually impoverished, it makes poverty out of poverty to distract itself from its spiritual poverty. James Baldwin said – “Anyone who has ever struggled with poverty knows how extremely expensive it is to be poor.”
C: But if, or when, Isvara is overdoing it, then this too has to be, apparently so, so fuck it – I, or Isvara, is working it out just the same – And I am lucky already, and have been, for a person, very free all along anyway – plus timeless, I realize, Thanks to You, Sundari-Self.
Sundari: Definitely not thanks to me. Thanks to the teachings, to Isvara, the Self. You.
C: The freedom I enjoy is the freedom I always felt but now understand, also in form and without it. As if in hindsight and an extra, proving that Self alone was, is, will be: Is, al-ways.
If I – jiva – could sit, meditate, go Ramana as it were, I would – but no circumstance stands in the way in the final round, says my self.
Sundari: ‘Going Ramana’ is a fantasy, no ‘if’ about it. You are already Ramana, there is no need to go anywhere or be anything. That is just a spiritual seduction, the idea of living the life of the pure meditative ascetic. Just accept what is and be, it’s all good.
C: I want to clean up the account with Isvara and insofar jiva has a job, then this is that job. No more karma to attract … accrue. Less surprising worldly trouble is what I do work for in the karma yoga spirit; less distraction for peace; also in/as expression.
Sundari: Good for you.
C: Tripti is a bit much for jiva – as you said, but what I experience … what to say, it’s quiet, immortal, etc. So, the remaining doubts are also objects, like fear/desire and all the goodies. They hang/come together with pressings of karma, not the teaching as such, obviously, as the teaching utilizes doubts only to – since doubt is there anyway – make them aimed, relevant first, so as to dispel it.
Well, Ram said that, better, lately in the Foundation course.
These doubts are ok, too, it will get its last bits of hunger stilled, digest, and shit it out.
Sundari: Amen. You say it quite well too, actually!
C: My jiva’s sense is that he sculpted his mind, on his own, which is not untrue – but who/what does it, really?
Sundari: Who ‘sculpted’ their mind? Nobody sculpts their mind. Either you are the mind sculpted by Isvara, or you are free of the sculpture and the sculptor as the Self, their common identity.
C: Half the time no jiva exists – I observe mere doing, or I witness and am no creation. And often I can only say, I see through God’s eyes, alone. It took some time to implement the word ‘Jivatman’…
Sundari: That’s how it goes as Self-knowledge firms up, the dance between duality and non-duality ends as the subject/object split dissolves. It will firm up, you can trust Isvara (as in Isvara 1) on that!
Perhaps the teaching here on the difference between savikalpa and nirvikalpa would help?
If Self-knowledge is firm savikalpa samadhi is unbroken Self-knowledge, but with thoughts, vrittis. I.e., thoughts are there but they are single-pointed and Self-referenced, the distinction between the knower and the known is crystal clear. If you know you are the Self, savikalpa samadhi translates to nondual vision, where you see all objects (thoughts/experiences) as appearing in you as you, but you are free of them. You are the Self with or without thoughts and do not condition to them. The subject/object split has permanently dissolved, and discrimination remains constant, it does not come and go because Self-knowledge is permanent and not an experience or a state. It is your ground of being.
Most people experience savikalpa samadhi (nondual vision) at some time without realizing what it means because we all are the Self whether we know it or not. But if Self-knowledge is not firm or not obtained at all, the Self, your true identity, is not known to be the non-experiencing witness, the knower of the experiencing entity (jiva/mind) to whom the thoughts are appearing. In this case, the subject/object split has not permanently dissolved, only temporarily so. For those who don’t know they are the Self, savikalpa samadhi just feels really good, a feeling of bliss, oneness, and wholeness, that everything is right with you and the world.
In this case, savikalpa samadhi is the experience of the Self in a sattvic mind, but it does not last because all experiences happen in time, and end. When the savikalpa samadhi experience ends, the mind is back in the grip of duality. However, the advantage of savikalpa samadhi has over nirvikalpa samadhi is that the intellect is functional, it is present, therefore, it is possible for Self-realization to occur, and the dissolution of the subject/object split to take place, assuming the mind is qualified, and the teachings assimilate.
Nirvikalpa samadhi means without thought/experience, as you say above. It is experiencing the Self with no interference from the Subtle body. The disadvantage of nirvikalpa samadhi over savikalpa samadhi as mentioned above is that the intellect is not present, as in deep sleep, so there is no knowledge possible. The intellect is subsumed into Isvara, the Causal body so you are experiencing the Self but unaware of it. Nirvikalpa samadhi, as well as deep sleep, is an experience of the reflected self, and all experiences end. Only Self-knowledge is permanent. When you emerge from nirvikalpa samadhi or wake up from deep sleep, the ego is still there, and so are the vasanas, duality is back. You are still bound by Maya and not free unless, of course, you know you are the Self and moksa has obtained.
Therefore, nirvikalpa samadhi is not the same as firm, direct Self-knowledge, moksa, that which is unaffected by the presence or absence of thought because it is unmodified by either as in the case of savikalpa samadhi when the Self is known to be who you are.
Good luck with all your comings and goings, ye of many names and none, who never comes or goes!
Much love
Sundari