Jacob: Since then I have been reading for paragraphs translated by Google “The Bhagavad Gita Transcribed by Peggy from Ram’s talks in Spain 2013”. In truth, I understand most of what is said, although sometimes the translation that Google does is not as good as it needs to be, but I think it has been able to help me in general terms. I miss being able to speak to someone in my language because of the nuances. In any case, I have decided to write to you again to see if this phantom self is diminishing so that I can know my true Self all the time.
Sundari: Yes, Google does not always do a great job of translating. We have a young man from Peru who speaks Spanish and has a very good grasp of the teachings. If you like, I can put you in touch with him, let me know and I will ask him if is prepared to help. The ‘phantom self’ is a good way to describe the identification with the personal identity, or body/mind, because that identity is a phantom. It is only a conceptual entity, nothing more than a thought appearing in the mind. Both the mind and the thoughts appearing in it are objects known to you, the Self.
Jacob: As I think I told you, long ago I had a free sample of what the authentic I is, thanks to an experience that lasted a few days, which has prompted me since then to find my true reality. The road has been apparently long until I found “End of Dream by Shams” and then continued with Shiningworld, where I continue to read Satsangs. I have no doubt that here is the truth, it is not only a matter of faith, but I am sure that this is the truth.
Sundari:  All we are ever experiencing is the Self, and the problem with heightened spiritual experiences like the one you had is they tend to convince us that moksa, freedom, is a special experience. Which it definitely is not. The Self is who you are. Your true or real identity, is the only truth there is that never changes and is always present. Everything else is just a dream because it comes and goes. You are the knower of the dream. Therefore moksa, or freedom from the identification with the small self, is not an object of experience, and not something you gain. The experience of the Self is also who you are, but it is just the reflection in a pure mind which occurs when the veil of ignorance obscuring it lifts momentarily . The reflection is you but you are not it – just like the image in the mirror is you but is not you.
Jacob: However, the apparent time passes and I only find the reflection of my true Self, when I read some of these scriptures, which resonate with me to be in the truth without any doubt.
Sundari: As stated above, the personal identity is just a reflection of the Self, though its true essence is the Self. When you are deluded by the reflection and you take that to be who you are, you are under the spell of Maya, or ignorance. But when you see the reflection as the Self, as non-different from you as the Self but also not quite the same, that is nondual vision. The reflection depends on you to exist, but you depend on nothing because you are Existence – with a big ‘E’.
Jacob: The rest of the time that I share with Family, work, etc… It seems as if I forgot about this although I sometimes try to remember to discriminate Satya from Mithya, but I think I get immersed in Maya and I get lost.
Sundari: The test of Self-knowledge is in how we live and relate to ‘others’ because that is where Maya deludes us most. If the teachings do not translate into your life, what good are they to you? Intellectual knowledge is not enough and the pull of Maya can still obscure access to Self-knowledge.
Jacob: I believe that my Karma Yoga is not enough, nor my qualifications nor my discrimination, otherwise I would see clearly what is a dream and what is real.
Sundari: That is very possible, which is why we recommend that people follow the methodology of the teachings to the letter. If you do not have a strong foundation, or some of the qualifications are weak, you will get stuck. The teachings of Vedanta are progressive and take the inquirer through all the logic, but the inquirer must follow the method. Very importantly, you need to be properly taught or the mind will interpret the teachings. You cannot read your way to freedom, which you may be trying to do.
Jacob: I spent a few years striving on this walk and I think this was the cause of my strong immersion in spirituality because I spent a lot of time and effort, but I ended up with nervous system and night sleep problems. As a conclusion, and after taking medication, I began to expend less energy and this significantly improved my sleep. I had to trade fervour for calm.
Sundari: The problem with many seekers is that though they have very strong spiritual vasanas, in trying so hard, there is a doer involved – a seeker. The doer is the problem. Vedanta is the knowledge that ends the quest for knowledge, so it ends the seeker identity. And that is not an easy identity to renounce. Though self-inquiry requires dedication and can be hard work, if it is done correctly, with karma yoga, then the doer surrenders to Isvara, to the scripture. Only the scripture is the boss.
The doer/ego, the one who acts to get results, can never free itself. You will never ‘do’ yourself to moksa. Only Self-knowledge itself can remove ignorance. It is no wonder you became neurotic, and it is good that you have realized this. But perhaps you do not fully understand why because you are not actually following the methodology of the teachings properly. I can send you satsangs on this, but I think you should talk to Fernando. I sent him the satsangs on the steps to self-inquiry, and perhaps he can translate them into Spanish for you. I will ask him, if you like.
Jacob: My apparent life is quite simple today, in the morning I spend some time doing sports to exercise my body, then I spend some time exercising my mind, and then I spend time reading the aforementioned scriptures, and in the afternoon I go to work. I try to be humble, not to seek any conflict, and to cede the results of my apparent actions to Isvara.
Sundari: This is very important, good for you. We need a sattvic lifestyle that conforms to dharma if we are serious about self-inquiry. It must be the most important thing in your life, everything else must be subservient to self-inquiry if freedom from suffering truly is your main aim.
Jacob: I have known for a long time who or what I really am and I believe I understand the Vedanta methodology as you teach it, but I continue on a practical level believing myself to be what I am not. Can you think of anything I can do to realize I’m not the one doing it? Is there anything in these words that suggests a change or, on the contrary, do I have to insist?
Sundari: There is no magic formula to freedom, Jacob. Moksa is not something you can achieve; it is grace. Ignorance is very subtle, it is tenacious and resistant to being removed. Everyone really knows they are the Self, but Self-realization is where the ‘work’ of self-inquiry BEGINS. For Self-knowledge to destroy ignorance and the Self to become your only reality is where all the teaching of Vedanta takes place. If you really are following the methodology of the teachings correctly, as you say you are, and applying the teachings to your life, no matter how many times ignorance returns, that is all you ‘do’. Trust the teachings to remove personal ignorance. In addition, as mentioned, you do need to be taught.
Jacob: Many times I have thought that I will achieve it even for a minute before leaving this body.
Sundari: Why wait to ‘leave’ the body when you have never been ‘in’ the body? You, the Self, are unborn and undying; you do not need moksa because you are moksa. The life or death of the body has nothing to do with you. The body/mind is just mithya, and all bodies are endlessly recycled in Isvara’s dream. As you said, the personal identity or small self is a phantom, which means not real. Real defined as that which is always present and unchanging, which only ever relates to you as Consciousness, the Self. That which shines on the body/mind making it appear to be conscious and ‘alive’.
Jacob: Is it possible or will I have to let everything take its course? In general, like Jacob, I have developed effort and patience during this apparent life, and this has given clear results in material life or Maya, but I don’t know if I have to apply it the same way to stop thinking that I am what I seem and not the real one. I, real, ordinary and unique Being.
Sundari; You have no choice but to let ‘things take their course’. You cannot rush moksa. Whether you know it or not, you as the jiva are not in charge of anything. And you as the Self are not in charge either, because to the Self, there is only the Self and there are no problems and nothing to be in charge of. The problems only arise for the self apparently under the spell of ignorance or Maya, when it identifies with the body/mind, the dream, and thus suffers.
The most important part of inquiry is the patience and determination to keep the scripture in mind 24/7, thought by thought, day by day, no matter how long it takes. What price freedom? All three stages of self-inquiry must be completed, and at all stages, karma yoga and guna yoga must be applied at all times. It is very hard to completely dismiss the identification with the body/mind, and most inquirers have great difficulty with it.
Jacob: Other times I find myself a certain conformism when I see that the truth is not established in my understanding. Is this how I should understand it or do I continue with the apparent struggle?
Sundari: See above. Just keep submitting the stubborn mind to the teachings, never give up. This is normal Jacob, it is part of the human condition to conform. Even though the truth of reality is nondual, to train the mind to think differently is very hard because it is so counter-intuitive; the hypnosis of duality makes it very difficult. Maya is a master of illusion.
Jacob: It is truly incredible to know that I am not what I seem and yet this continues to cloud my knowledge. It seems as I write as if I were complaining to myself, but my fervent desire to know myself as the Being burns me.
Sundari: Maya makes the impossible possible. No matter what, you are never not the Self because Maya does not really cover you. Maya is another object known to you. And yes, you are complaining to your Self because there is no other option! But don’t worry, the Self does not care one way or the other because it never conditions to anything. You do know your true nature, you cannot forget that once you have realized the Self.
But actualizing Self-knowledge is the hard part, and it takes as long as it takes. It is amazing that the power of Maya to delude the mind is so strong. Just remind yourself that no matter what the mind is experiencing, you are not the experiencer but the knower of the experiencer. Even the experience of frustration is known to you, the Self. Keep up the inquiry, with humility and determination. Very importantly, if you do not have one, start a devotional practice. Make your life into a prayer of gratitude and consecration to Isvara. Whether you feel negative thoughts arise in the mind or in a gratitude to Isvara for taking care of all your need, chant identity mantras. This is a good way to keep the mind purified.
Jacob: Before you can answer me, I want to thank you and James for your work and dedication, you are my connection to the truth and I hope to stay connected, even if it’s in your English language, which I don’t know, if I always understand correctly, but this is Isvara’s wish and that’s how it has to be. Much love to both of you
Sundari: Thank you Jacob. We are not ‘connected’ to the truth, but I understand how you mean that. The truth of Vedanta is not ours, it is the logic of existence, and timeless. It is our true nature, as it is yours, so we cannot be ‘connected to it’. We are it. We are mouthpieces for the teachings, and as such, we are very privileged to ‘work for Isvara’.
Feel free to write any time
Much love
Sundari
