Dearest Sundari,
Thank you for the revised satsang. Indeed, your additions & changes really bring another layer of elucidation. This is really a treasure to me; I’ve printed them out and have already read them a half dozen times or more. Each reading adds something in addition to more joy.
Sundari: I am so happy to hear this. Despite the impersonal nature of the teachings, it is perfectly human to feel challenged by them, especially when delivered by someone who is a friend and not actually your teacher. It is a testament to your commitment to moksa, and to the assimilation of the teachings that you take everything on board without the mind being affected.
Carol: I’m not sure how but I really didn’t understand discrimination between conscious awareness and Awareness, jiva’s experience of Awareness and the Self’s experience of Awareness. I don’t think I’m clear on that score though at least I have it confirmed that there IS a difference. I’ve never had the illusion that I totally KNOW that I’m Awareness. I’ve heard James say not to be too quick to claim it but don’t be too reluctant either. So I think I’ve only really dipped a little toe into that water. How does one know when that switch occurs? Is it the “final click” that James talks about?
Sundari: Yes, as I mentioned in my last email, assimilating the difference between your ‘personal’ conscious awareness and ‘pure’ Awareness is the final click that we both so often speak about. But the teaching itself is actually the central message of Vedanta. We tell you upfront that you are the Self (pure nondual Awareness) and not the jiva (personal conscious awareness). But understanding what that actually means for the jiva is the hard part. The one thing you are not deluded about and can absolutely take on is that you are the Self, whether or not you fully ‘know it’. You do know it, everyone does.
But purely knowing it is indirect knowledge, and cannot remove all duality – ignorance. Once Self-knowledge gets to work removing ignorance from the mind, the toughest part of the assimilation of nonduality is that though there is an important distinction between conscious awareness and ‘pure’ Awareness, essentially, there is no real difference. That’s the whole point of nonduality – there is no separation. It is confusing but nonetheless logical if you think about it, that though the light of the moon is not its own as it comes from the sun, yet it is also the same because both are light. Understanding why they are the same and how they are different is moksa.
The only question that matters is which one stands alone? Clearly, our conscious awareness does not – it depends on ‘pure’ Awareness, which itself, depends on nothing. People who contest this as unprovable cannot deny the fact that the only non-negatable ever present factor is Awareness. So moksa, direct knowledge, translates to full identification with pure Awareness, first and foremost. But it also entails the full knowledge of how the jiva program operates- not to deny its existence, but to negate it as primary. If nondual vision has fully obtained, it means that discrimination between the two is automatic, spontaneous and never fails. Nondual vision is a mind looking at the world AS the ‘I’, not through the ‘eyes’ of the conceptual jiva – through the lens of its turbulent thoughts and feelings.
This translates to peace of mind for the jiva, regardless of its life circumstances and challenges. Though Self-knowledge may be firm, this does not mean that the jiva will always be happy – it is still ‘normal’ for it to experience the ups and downs of its inner and outer life. But the bliss of the Self is not dependent on the contents on the mind – it is not a feeling, but unshakeable knowledge. It offers complete acceptance that Isvara is in control of the field and nothing happens by accident. The desire for things to be different is gone, which is huge for the jiva in terms of mental/emotional wellbeing, and thus how the person operates in the world.
This is what James means by the iconic statement he made at Trout Lake on The Final Click:
Then one fine day, there a little click
And the world stops
It never starts again
The status of the world has changed
It is no longer real
It doesn’t move or spin
It just sits still
Like a mirage on the desert
It’s there but is has no meaning
It’s just pretty and shiny
Reflecting the light of Awareness
And you know.
You didn’t say it or affirm it or claim it
You are Awareness
You are functioning here as Awareness
The human mind body emotions
And the world
Are out in front of you
Nothing and nobody is looking out
Over your shoulder
This is what nonduality means
There are not two entities here
There are not two things here
I shine and the world shines after me
The hardest part of living this truth is giving up the meaning of our thoughts and feelings, especially when we are confronted with tough karma – and all it entails – as you are. When the truth of nonduality hits home, it can bring on the void I mentioned in my last email, which can seem so nihilistic for the jiva. What does ‘life has no meaning’ mean, when life with no meaning sounds like a recipe for utter despair? Even though we may understand that our thoughts and feelings are impersonal and come from the gunas, it is still hard not to give them meaning, which keeps us in bondage to the jiva in a way that can cause suffering.
As troublesome as many thoughts and feelings are, it is natural to want to give weight to them, it’s our lifeline to feeling ‘alive’, to having a purpose. People who cannot do this are seriously depressed or suicidal, often, both. They have given up on life. So how is nonduality different? It is different because a mind that is consumed by its thoughts and feelings, or has lost hope, has forgotten or does not know how to turn around to see the fullness that knows the turmoil of despair. It has no objectivity about how the mind is conditioned because it is completely identified with it.
Tamas has covered the mind and it makes it incapable of objectivity. Conversely, a rajasic mind turned outwards towards the world desperately seeking meaning through desire fulfilment is just as hopelessly lost. The world can neither deny nor give meaning to life if we know we are the Self because we are the meaning. Hence, all the work of self-inquiry is to understand the mind (jiva program) and to negate its binding programs in light of Self-knowledge. This is how we make friends with the mind and become indifferent to what runs it.
Carol: There is one statement that I would love clarification on, if you would: Self-actualization means “all fears and desires are in the service of Self-Knowledge.” Is this then the work? Constantly discriminating that everything comes from Isvara, belongs to Isvara & resolves into Isvara? Which in turn all resolves into Awareness, my jiva included? Please let me know if my thinking is wrong in this.
Sundari: Yes, you are correct. Essentially this means that you have no binding fears or desires, but if they arise, they have no real hold on the mind. They are seen, known, and experienced, but they will not have the power to capsize the mind because they are burned ropes. Vedanta is not about denying our thoughts and feelings, just understanding them. We are free to have them, but freedom from them means we do not give them meaning. Our thoughts and feelings may be the truth of what we feel in the moment, but they are not ‘the’ truth about us.
Carol: I’m not entirely sure why I’m so happy to have my ignorance exposed. I just feel so grateful to be “on the bus!” Every moment I remember, I ask Isvara to expose my ignorance, turn up every little corner and delve into every dark corner. It’s like “Aha! Gotcha!” There’s no going back now. I just marvel at how much I’ve managed to miss. Points to Isvara for perseverance!
Sundari: You are happy because you truly understand that there is nothing more valuable in life than Self-knowledge, this is why your commitment to self-inquiry is so strong. Ignorance is never personal, no matter how much it seems to be. We are all under Isvara’s Maya spell until we are not.
Carol: Thank you again so much for your generosity of time in responding to my laments and questions. Things are immeasurably more bearable after being reminded to remember.
Sundari: I am honoured to pass on these priceless teachings. I have walked the same path, and there are still subtle jiva issues for me too, especially around love for my family. In this area, I am not yet capable of complete dispassion, though I am fully aware of it as the Self. I am not even sure if I want complete dispassion to the point of indifference when it comes to those I love. I can be as attached as the Self, after all.
It can seem rather cold to have a ‘dead’ or indifferent mind, as James says he has. For instance, he has often told me that his love for me (or anyone) is not ‘special’ love. Love is love, which is reality, how can nondual love be different or special? It only knows differences if it is dualistic love. But even dualistic love is a reflection of Love as our nature. Love can therefore never be truly indifferent. Here, I agree with the Bhaktas who disparage Vedanta on this issue. They say – ‘why not be as attached as possible to everything because everything is you, the Lord?’
The answer of course, is whether or not our attachment to those we love means our happiness depends on them. That kind of deep attachment means loss – means suffering. I don’t have a dead mind – I can only love deeply, even if it means the mind wobbles now and then because I am the one who knows the wobble. I am free to wobble, if I choose to, or how could I be free?! It is not that my attachment to those I love means I depend on them or see anyone or anything as anything other than me, the Self. I am attached only to myself. Though there would be suffering over loss – it will be known to be only apparent, not real loss.
Recently a friend said she used to believe that Vedanta would remove all suffering, but she has learned that this is true only to a certain extent. And that is correct. Self-knowledge removes the real sting of suffering, because we know that ultimately, there is no loss and no death. Life is a beautiful mirage, even if it seems very real. But Self-knowledge does not provide immunity from all of life’s many losses, unfairness, all its cruelty, and all the things we are powerless to change, especially when it comes to those we love. It is extremely hard to truly know that life is always benign, that all is good and as it should be.
As the Self, the blessing is that though the jiva still feels pain, we do not suffer over our suffering, which is despair, because we have the only out card – the pain is known to you, and does not touch the Self. Thus it is understood to be temporary and is managed by Self-knowledge, which affords us a 20/20 vision of the how and the why, of everything – ignorance of the Self. It is possible to make friends with our mind even if we are not completely indifferent to it because we are the knower of the one who is not completely indifferent.
If there are still some subtle jiva issues, so what? As long as the doer and binding fears and desires are negated, the world can still be in front of you, with nobody looking over your shoulder. You do not need to claim or affirm you are Awareness because you cannot not be. If some jiva pain comes along, take it. Drink deep, along with the joy. It’s all beautiful and all you, though you are not it. It won’t last, but you will.
Vedanta is full of seeming contradictions – and this all seems to contradict the statement we often make that if there are still remaining jiva tendencies, freedom is not that free. But this may or may not really be the case. It all depends on how aware we are of what transpires in the mind and why. No matter where we are in terms of complete freedom from the mind, the main thing is how firm our knowledge is that we are never not the doer and never not the Self. If you know that, and you do, then there is nothing to worry about, ever again. If the jiva feels insecure or agitated – it’s part of its nature, it’s only a problem if you take it seriously and it obscures Self-knowledge.
With much love
Sundari
