I Am Selfish

I have another question…

I heard James talking about stress. I am selfish because I don’t take life as it comes and want it to be my way so to speak.

Sundari: We are all ‘selfish’ because there is only one Self, we all do everything only for ourselves, even when we are making a contribution or helping ‘others’. But human suffering and stress are caused by desire, by wanting things to go your way and not accepting things the way they are, which is difficult to do when you are unhappy. Karma yoga is the only solution of course, and it is not always easy, though it is our salvation.

Sarah: To die or surrender to life, is that only going to happen when someone wants to live as a free soul too?

Sundari: Dying to life and surrender are not happenings, it simply means the removal of ignorance so that your primary identification is with the Self, not the limited ego/doer. Moksa is defined as freedom from the doer and for the doer, which means you are no longer driven by the jiva’s desire/fear (vasanas or conditioning).  Ego death does not mean the elimination of the ego/doer but the negation of the idea that they are real. When the knowledge “I Am the Self’ is firm and unshakeable, the jiva is as good as non-existent. It has an apparent existence because you can experience it, but you know it is not real, i.e., it is always changing and not permanent. Only you, the Self, is permanent.

Sarah: Do you really need someone to “die” to surrender to life…live life through God…. the world. (I understand that the world is there because I SEE IT ).

Sundari: Who dies? You were never born and cannot die. Only identification with the limited identity as a doer dies. When it does, you are fine with the person the way God made them, but you are no longer identified with them. There is only God, you cannot see anything else. It’s all God because it’s all you, the Self. When you know who you are you do not live life ‘through’ God but as God, while still respecting the natural laws that govern the apparent reality.

Sarah: And all that happens I take as grace. Act appropriately at the right time.

Sundari: Yes. All results are given by Isvara so they must be appropriate for you, whether you have acted appropriately or not. Taking all results as prasad is the only sane way to live.  Everything is grace, even the hard things, and knocks in life. When you are no longer conditioned by the jiva’s desires and fears everything is grace. 

Sarah: As for now, I am living on my own for a while, and taking time to learn what happens when I surrender to everything…Not sitting in a ”cave ” but taking part in life and taking a stand in Awareness as Awareness. This morning I realized that I am not living life…. more surviving life. It seems that sleeping in the awake state is still happening. Karma yoga attitude is most certainly needed (seems not very well integrated).

Sundari: If you are identified with the jiva then you are stuck in the awake state. It is not easy to be free of the jiva and its unfulfilled desires and longings. Sometimes all we can do is stick to our sadhana and tackle whatever appears in the mind, one thought at a time, with the karma yoga attitude. Just remember that karma yoga is surrender in thought word and deed. Also, there is no right or wrong way to live life for the jiva, we must all do what is right for us. That is not always easy when we don’t know what that is, and we are unhappy with the way things are.

The main purpose of karma yoga is to render the binding vasanas non-binding and to negate the doer. Ramji spoke about the two types of karma yoga, but there are actually three levels to it.  The first level is called secular karma yoga – karma yoga with desire (sakama yoga), where you act appropriately to get what you want and surrender the results to Isvara. This lessens the pressure of the vasanas and the anxiety of doer. This state is a form of therapy for the jiva, though therapy per se, is not karma yoga.

As the inquirer matures, karma yoga progresses to karma jnana sannyas – which is negating the idea of doership entirely though there is still some desire, which you may or may not act on, but if you do, you are clear that you are not the doer. 

Finally, karma yoga becomes sacred karma yoga (or niskama yoga) also called nididhysana, which is the last stage of self-inquiry. At this stage of karma yoga, one completely surrenders the desire to Isvara in thought word and deed, and no longer needs to act on it.

I strongly suggest you start a devotional practice if you do not have one as part of your sadhana.  All the elements were worshiped in the Vedic tradition. Have you read James’ book the Yoga of Love?  If not, I encourage you to do so.  Chanting, pujas, and rituals can be helpful to manage the mind that is overrun with a constant stream of thoughts/desires from the Causal body (unconscious).  It works for energetic rajasic types who need to be occupied with something worthwhile instead of wasting time in gratuitous egoic pursuits—such as an addiction to social media, for instance. They are also great for tamasic types to lift tamas into balance with sattva.  We love chanting and do so daily.

A devotional practice of some kind is also an important way to show appreciation for the great gift of life, as an homage to Isvara, to the Self.  A simple altar in your home with a symbol of the Self, a candle, and some incense will do.  I advised an inquirer recently to place a box on her altar as a symbol of the unconscious, and every time a disturbing thought/desire appeared in the mind, to write it down and place it in the box. This is symbolically surrendering each thought to Isvara.  After a few weeks, burn all the pieces of paper.  For some people, a practical ritual like this is a great help to manage the gunas and to develop deliberate thinking. It takes hard work to reprogram the mind, its the hardest thing anyone can ‘do’. I recently posted a satsang about this, entitled Isvara is Your Mind and Owns Your Brain. It might be worthwhile to read it.

Sarah: Then again, your LOVE poem struck me as I realized and understood life immediately at that moment. It’s kind of is staying a bit but hard to describe …I understand if it will take time to answer but anyway thank you for all the inspiring teachings. Bless you and Ramji.

Sundari: It is a poem about the recognition of nondual love as my nature, which is very different from dualistic love. It is hard to explain it because dualistic love is what people understand as love. But non-dual love is not a feeling or thought.  We have been through this before, you know this. Love as your nature means you are whole and complete and need nothing, it does not involve another as all others are likewise seen as the love you are, though it is expressed as a feeling to ‘others’.

There is nothing wrong with expressing one’s humanity when you know who you are. We enjoy each other’s company and the intimacy of love just as anyone does, as I said in my last email to you, we would not be free if we were not free to do so, But the difference is we do so not from need or gaining anything.  We are already full, and we love each other as the Self first and foremost. We have different characters as jiva’s, but our values are the same. 

You are doing well Sarah, do not lose heart. Keep up your sadhana and consecrate all thoughts and desires on the altar of karma yoga.

Much love

Sundari