Dear Ramji,
I’ve been going through the Mandukya again really slowly. I hadn’t appreciated that advaita means that I/the Self am not a cause. Brahman does not produce, multiply nor divide. We’re meant to understand that Brahman lends existence to the experienced world.
Ram: I’m not surprised. It’s a very subtle teaching.
Yesterday, this fact came to the forefront. I lend existence to everything appearing in front of me, including space! The various objects are still seen and transacted with, but the mind isn’t interested in following them unnecessarily. The usual “dramas” of family, politics, physical pain etc are sideshows. There is a subtle experience of happiness, of satisfaction. It’s not highly sensational, yet it is unmistakable. This is surprising.
Ram: Cool. If it was “highly sensational” it wouldn’t be real in so far as it would become “lowly sensational” in the fulness of time. It’s always the same, natural, meaning your nature, existence shining as fullness awareness.
I’ve not had mind-blowing mystical experiences on my spiritual journey. I never did drugs either. Maybe not a bad thing, as I didn’t get sidetracked by getting attached to highs. But knowing who I am is not an experience, there has been a question mark about where self-knowledge is leading. After all, the jiva does want a “better experience”.
So now, I can trace a direct link between the experience of fullness and the knowledge that I lend existence to this world and the jiva. The formless background (me) feels “tangible”. The forms are also me but they feel less tangible than before.
Ram: Small but important word correction: You should say “I am fullness experience” instead of the “the experience of fulness” which implies a second entity. (dwaita) Fulness (ananda) is the nature of existence shining as consciousness (satchit).
I guess this will wax and wane for a time. But can I take it that it’s now just a matter of becoming more stable in this? Continue doing what I’m doing?
Ram: Yes, you can. What can’t be seen is palpable – tangible in the form of a background sense of satisfaction or bliss – and what can be seen in the form of your foreground perceptions, feelings and thoughts is unreal – intangible – like a dream. Your inquiry is paying off. Keep it up!
One more point: Discrete experiences wax and wane. You, existence shining as awareness don’t change.
Much love,
Ram