Hey James,
I hope everything is well. Things are good with me. Here’s a story about something I just figured out about the teaching.
Sometimes when I’m puzzling through things I will have imaginary conversations with the people involved, and I try explain things to them over and over as a way of working towards understanding it myself.
James: It’s a good way to think things through.
This is an old story: A few years ago there was a situation in my family that resulted in a big rift between me and one of my nephews, and it persisted for years. I gradually became furious with the guy. Eventually I understood why he acted the way he did and as soon as I understood about 90% of the anger that I had towards him just evaporated immediately. But there was about 10% of the anger that took some time to dissipate, and because of that I didn’t go to the family Christmas get together that year. He was going to be there for the first time in many years and I still had enough anger that I thought I might say or do things that I would regret if I ran into him.
So tonight I was having this imaginary conversation with my sister, his mother; about all of this. In the imaginary conversation I explained I no longer have any anger about the situation at all, that 90% of the anger head vanished immediately when I understood why he did the things he did, and the other 10% that persisted for a little longer before it was gone as well. I referred to that anger residue as “habitual anger“, and that habitual anger takes a little while to run out of steam even after the anger due to cause is completely gone.
I never looked at it that way before, and suddenly I felt I understood the concept of vasanas better and also the work that continues to need to be done during nididhyasana after self-realization. The vasanas are habitual thoughts, states and processes that persist for a little while even though the cause of them is gone.
Do I have that right?
James: Absolutely. I couldn’t have said it better myself. It’s anger residue waiting for the opportunity to express itself. It was wise not going to that family gathering. You outfoxed the vasana.
I realize you’ve covered this clearly many times, but the light bulb really went off for me tonight.
As a consequence I also recognized other changes I need to make, areas where I’ve continued allow unhealthy habits even after ceasing to identify as the person/doer. Allowing these vasanas maintains a sort of unpleasant and unhappy “ghost of self” even after identification as a person has ceased.
James: Great metaphor. I’ll use “Ghost Self for the title of this satsang.
I did a quick search and found this satsang which is so clear.
I know I’ve studied all this before but it sank in in a new way tonight.
Much love,
Kenny
