Jacob: Ramji, I just wanted to check in with you. I hope you and Sundari are thriving during these wild times. I suppose it’s all the same to the Self. I do wonder if in the end there will be some forward growth toward a conscious existence on this planet but there is still plenty of ignorance to go around. Anyway, my process continues to be one not unlike what is described in scripture, vasanas like ripe fruit falling, giving way to the undeniable reality that there is no pleasure like the Self. I do feel myself feeling more compassion for others as I reflect on how intractable Maya is. Even with full knowledge of the truth it still exerts its control, albeit to a much lesser degree.
My “love” vasana is totally eradicated. There is no longer a feeling of needing to be deeply entangled in the throes of needy passion. It laughable really when I think about it. What a wonder Maya is that it convinces a young man to abandon the one thing that he enjoys most of all – freedom – in exchange for a life of servitude and worry. Watching my carefree son transform into a doting stressed-out father is really amazing. If there is another incarnation of the Jacob personality I would be willing to bet he will not be a family man. Although I do have family life in good order and I enjoy the process for the beauty that it is, there is no denying that physical life is set-up.
Food and sex seem to be under control. The Devil gets his due on occasion but never resulting in a loss of discrimination. The negative effects of these actions always seem to be just as prevalent as the positive, making the decision to forgo them a fairly simple process involving very little effort, in contrast with the past, when negative effects of engaging these habits were associated with “self” judgment, which only served to foster deeper insecurity.
I continue my service as a traditional healer. I get the sense that running ceremonies for worldly people is much like being the person who sweeps the steps of the temple. The kingdom of God is within and I am simply here to pick up the trash of onlookers who come for a blessing but are not ready to go in yet. Better to be a servant in heaven than a king in hell, as they say. I can’t escape the fact that I do long for more time and engagement with spiritual people of true substance. It’s not unlike playing pool with someone who really sucks at playing pool. You tend to play worse because there is no one around you who inspires you to play your best. But awareness is a strict companion to the ego, and loss of discrimination is unacceptable to one who has tasted it.
As always, my love and gratitude for you and your willingness to lift this little worm out of the whirlpool grows deeper as I slowly awaken from the dream of samsara. There truly is only the Lord shining through all.
~ Love, Jacob
