Kenneth: James, okay, so I’ve been continuing to study and assimilate the teachings and I was hoping you could clarify something.
Until I conquer every single vasana I have and gain complete control over my thinking, I am basically stuck?
James: No, not at all. You can’t conquer them all. You need only work on the binding vasanas, and that takes time.
Kenneth: I have been very successful in my meditations, but it never sticks. I’m feeling a bit frustrated, like the deck is stacked against me. I mean, seriously. In order to stabilize my mind I have to conquer the darkening power of God itself??
James: It won’t “stick,” Kenneth, because experience is not under your control. It is under the control of “the Great Spirit,” to use Indian lingo, meaning the total mind, or if you want Vedanta language, the three gunas. It might “stick” a little longer if you are doing your life as karma yoga, but there is no discrete experience that sticks. You are barking up the wrong tree, I’m sad to say. Enlightenment is not an event, an experience. You are already the limitless awareness. You have a doership issue – you believe you can do some action – meditation, in this case – to get what you already have. Your approach is futile. Yes, you have to “conquer the darkening power of God,” but there is a much simpler way – assuming you are qualified.
Kenneth: The realization that I have been wasting my time my entire life with every single desire I ever had (including spirituality) is sitting on me really heavily. Why put us here just to watch us chase our tails? Why do I feel like throwing in the towel all a sudden now that things are becoming apparent?
James: You are at a very important moment in your spiritual journey, Kenneth. You perhaps can’t see the upside right now, but you will. People generally have to get disillusioned and disappointed before they change their ideas. Life is a zero-sum game. You can’t do your way out of it. And yes, I think your biggest futile desire is your spiritual desire. Well, it is and it isn’t. It got you here, but I’d say its time to consider what you are considering right now – your approach to spirituality is inherently unworkable. You can’t get what you already got – read Chapter II of either of my books on the topic of knowledge versus experience. There is a small book in the ShiningWorld shop for $5 entitled Knowledge and Experience that you should read. It is a compendium of satsangs on the topic. You can throw in the doing-towel and I think you should know that Vedanta has come into your life because self-inquiry, not meditation, is a proven way out.
Kenneth: You’re right about me beginning to question my need to wake up the “Great Indian Nation.” Also, its a totally egocentric desire just because I see the connections and want to tell everyone like a old woman with a piece of gossip. 99.9 % of the people I would be teaching aren’t qualified to understand it. And for that matter maybe I am not qualified either. I don’t know. Is this a normal reaction to learning about non-duality? You’re definitely right what you say in the talks, “bad news.”
James: If the Great Indian Nation comes to you with a written request signed in triplicate by Great Chief X and notarized by the Tribal Council, then maybe you can wake them up. As the Bhagavad Gita says, “Let not the wise unsettle the minds of the ignorant.” You are right, they could use a bit of education, but it is not up to you. The change you seek in the Great Indian Nation is a change you are seeking for yourself.
This feeling of disillusionment is totally fine. It means that you are ready to convert your desire to experience the Great Spirit into the desire to discover the simple but well-hidden fact that you are the Great Spirit. It means that you are starting to appreciate non-duality and the zero-sum nature of the apparent reality. Disappointment is a great gift.
Kenneth: I’m sure you have a lot of emails to answer other than mine but just felt a need to reach out.
James: Yes, I am very busy, but somehow the Great Spirit wants me to take time for you. Read the knowledge and experience argument. In fact read the first two chapters of How to Attain Enlightenment or The Essence of Enlightenment.
~ Love, James